


Being Human

by 48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue



Category: Gravity Falls, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Sort of hurt/comfort, Steven and Dipper are adults, Trans Dipper Pines, Trans Steven Universe, Trauma Recovery, and around the same age, angst hiding in a blanket of fluff I guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24267664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue/pseuds/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue
Summary: Dipper and Steven chat while on vacation.
Relationships: Steven Universe & Dipper Pines
Comments: 13
Kudos: 77





	Being Human

**Author's Note:**

> it's ya boy again, writing whatever this is
> 
> tw: some mild themes of alluded to self-harm and trauma recovery and possession
> 
> look, my usual brand may be possession and angst and taking my fave characters and shoving them into bad situations with my fave villains and having said villains go "HOW CAN I MAKE PROBLEMS AND ESCALATE EVERY SITUATION BEYOND MY LAST ATTEMPT???" because I like drama and angsty horror stories, but when it isn't that, it's just... my trans faves being able to be themselves and live their lives and be okay. because that's just what i want out of life.
> 
> also she ra was awesome but the stakes and tone this season hit really hard. like, usually i just go to my fave animated shows for fluff and chill (and I just write angsty fanfiction because I just like over the top angst because I can handle it when the show isn't as angsty as me), but when my actual shows get intense it throws me for a loop.
> 
> also almost every trans fave I write is ace even if my usual genre does not reflect that well at all due to the themes I tackle. which means Dipper is ace because romantic ace relationships for the win!
> 
> and platonic friendships because Dipper and Steven have become best friends in this through other hijinks I have not written, but just use your imaginations of Steven recovering from SU Future Stuff in Gravity Falls post gravity falls events and they're around the same age and Steven has gone on other adventures with the Pines family before this idk

Dipper stokes the fire higher, letting the crackling sound of the kindling, and the chirping of crickets and rustle of leaves settle around them.

The forest is quiet outside the shack at night. Mabel snores almost as loud as Grunkle Stan, having passed out after loading her mouth full of marshmellows as possible. Grunkle Ford, Soos, and Wendy are out cold, too, Ford's telescope still tucked under his arm and Wendy drooling on their collected archive of ghost stories. Connie fell asleep on Steven's stomach, and Steven has remained stock still next to the log Dipper sits on as to not wake her.

"Hey Dipper?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever feel... Does it feel like this will ever stay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... Does the feeling that everything is going to be okay last, or does it just feel... impermanent?"

Dipper looks at the fire for a moment, hands tracing the scars on his arms absently.

Then he scuffles one sandaled foot over the dirt, rubs the stubble over his chin as he thinks, mirroring the way his Grunkle Ford does when he's absorbed in something else entirely, and finally answers, "I think so. I think that the feeling it's all going to go wrong fades. It'll come back, every once in a while. But that's what's impermanent."

The triangle Dipper didn't mean to draw over the cleared out fire pit gets crossed out with a single decisive movement, and Dipper looks back up at Steven then, his brown eyes staring into blue, and pats Steven's shoulder.

"It'll stick one day. I know it. All we can do is take things in and live in the moment and let ourselves breathe, you know?" Dipper half-laughs, then rubs the back of his neck. "Not that I'm one to talk- it took me long enough to get there. And sometimes we had no choice but to grow up too fast. How can we not, when we're searching for answers, and we need them just to make sense of things? But you could ask Mabel, if you want ideas. She's better with going with the flow, and things roll off her back like nothing else." Dipper half-smiles, then, tone lightening as he adds, "Just don't tell Mabel I said that. Or Stan. They'll never let me live it down."

Steven promises, solemn, "Your secret is safe with me."

Then they can't help but laugh, and Steven lets out a shaky exhale, and they both look back up at the sky, Dipper's feet crossing over the log as he cranes his neck up. Steven remains hyper-aware of the bark under his palms and the dirt still caked under his fingernails, only now noticing how much smaller the long seems from the beginning to the end.

It's been a long summer. And it's been... relatively calm, adjusting, taking time for himself and learning and moving on and having people here who might not know what's going on with him all the time but who have no problem rolling with all the changes. And it's going to be weird, heading back east again and not realizing how much he's changed until he sees the people he hasn't seen and seen how they've changed, even if the gems are more resilient and nuanced and less altered so quickly. He thinks they'll pay more attention to him, this time. He's has grown taller and heavier and more muscled and it feels like settling into his skin even more, like growing up feeling more permanent, even if it hasn't really registered until now, seeing all the ways Dipper has grown, too. Even if Dipper is still shorter than Steven and everyone in his family, Mabel still having an inch on him even with the testosterone doing it's thing.

Still. It's nice, being so far out. No light pollution while they watch the meteor shower.

It doesn't feel like the universe or space is a threat or something to fear, or something Steven is afraid to look at because he was afraid at what he might find, even after all this time.

It just feels... like he can watch, and be. And that that is enough. Like he is enough.

And that he can finally take a break and have it feel like it will last.

\--

The next time both Dipper's family and friends and Steven's posse make a camping trip around the country, they close the circuit by settling down again at Beach City.

And when Steven leaps out of the waves, retreating from Connie, Amethyst, Mabel, Grenda, Candy, and Lion all ganging up on him, he stops when he notices Dipper sitting on a dune and staring at the ocean with his arms crossed around his chest farther away.

He peals off from the group with a wave and makes sure to clear his throat when he approaches, so that Dipper doesn't startle. As much as the gems to tend to run-and-tackle hug in greeting, and some of the Pines family have adapted, Dipper and Mabel not quite keen on it. Sure, they're more used to it with Wendy and Grenda and Soos and their Grunkles, albeit when not approaching from behind, but when it's anyone else, it tend to put them in attack-first-ask-questions-second mode, and the last thing Steven wants is to give Dipper a heart attack.

"You okay?"

Dipper nods, still facing out towards the ocean, with his eyes closed. One hand clutching at the sand like he can't help fidgeting, the other still wrapped over his other shoulder. 

Steven crouches down and sits next to him.

"Pearl's learning how to make lemonade, if you want some-"

"Do you ever just feel... angry?"

"What?"

Steven is used to anger, sure, they both know all the things unsaid there, but he's not used to the look on Dipper's face. The flatness of it. The way he can't read him so easily when most of the time his emotions are clear as day.

Dipper opens his eyes and looks over, the bags under his eyes more pronounced.

"I mean... Even when it's over. Do you ever just encounter something that reminds you and you just want to throw it all back in someone's face, because things were too hard for too long and it took us forever to get here and how dare someone tries to take it away when you're finally happy and everything's okay and-" Dipper breaks off with a growl, and rubs his mouth.

"Did someone do something-"

"No! No..." Dipper modulates his voice again. "That's just it. Everything's good. Everything's great! It's just... I feel like I lost time to things I can't control and I feel like... sometimes I wonder if it's actually over. Or if somehow Bill's going to come back, or..."

Steven reaches out and touches Dipper's hand, and Dipper doesn't flinch or move away.

"Hey. He won't. And even if he did, he'd have to get through all of us-"

Dipper draws in on himself, staring at his hands.

"I know. It's just... He used me. He hurt me and people I loved and I want to hurt him so badly sometimes and sometimes it feels like he never even left and... He isn't even here! I don't... I don't want to hold on to that, and everything else. I'm tired of being angry, just to hold it all back. But I don't know how to let it go, when it's the only thing that feels..."

"Safe?"

Dipper looks down at the ground again. "Yeah."

"I think... I think that fades, too. Ebbs and flows, like you said." Steven's voice lowers, and he gesticulates outwards at nothing when he adds, "I still get angry. It doesn't just disappear. But you accept it, and don't beat yourself up about it, and let yourself... let go. Release it out into the world so it can't eat at you. At least, that's what my therapist says. It's like... It protected you, once, but it only hurts you when you hold on to it once it's served it's purpose. Holding on to it too long just makes you feel unsafe and hurt and bad again. Like a fire. It keeps you safe in the dark, but get too close for too long... What I'm trying to say is, you'll get there. We both will. Just... be patient with yourself. Like you were with me."

Dipper's leg bounces as stares back out at the sunny skies and the waves.

"I just... I don't want my family to see. They can read me so easily and-"

Steven taps his shoulder lightly, to ground him and to stop his hands from digging too deep.

"Dipper, it's okay. You don't have to hide it. And if you want to, that's up to you. You have a right to keep some things to yourself. Just don't tie yourself into knots for needing space."

"It's stupid, though. We're having fun, it's sunny, nothing is wrong-"

"That's not how this works. You're the one who reminded that, remember?"

Dipper sighs, then gives a half-smile. "Yeah. I know."

"Just because it isn't easy doesn't mean you're doing something wrong." Steven adds.

They sit there for a bit, watching the gulls and the clouds and their families laughing and grilling and enjoying themselves.

And then Steven rises, holding out a hand for Dipper to grab hold of as he helps haul him to his feet.

"You ready to trounce the others?"

"Sure. But only if Lapis is on our team!"

Steven throws his head back and laughs, the sound rumbling in his chest.

"I don't think Peridot would have it any other way."


End file.
